"The world we have created, is a product of our ways of thinking.  It cannot be changed until we change those patterns."  Albert Einstein


     There are certainly many ways to change your thinking.  There are many kinds of counseling and therapy that are effective.  However, I have found over the years, that is better to get absolute freedom and not just "be better able to 'cope'." 
     Sometimes, it just takes a very small change to redirect the entire course of your life!  A large ship is steered by a very small rudder, but it doesn't change direction if the ship is sitting still at the dock.  The same goes for a huge 18 wheeler truck.  You can change the direction it is headed, but the truck must be moving.  So often we are like a parked huge truck.  We are sitting behind the wheel turning our hardest, flustered and angry at the truck because it is not moving!  When we, in fact, are the drivers of our own truck and we have not put it in gear.  Some people spend their whole lives in park, screaming and spitting, and growling.  You might know someone like that....hmmm...not fun to be around, are they?
    The questions we ask ourselves are vital to getting in gear.  If your questions sounds a lot like: "Why me?"  "How could this happen?"  "How could God let this happen?"  "Who can I blame?"  Then it's time to redirect your questions, by asking an action question:  "What one thing can I do to make a difference?" "What can I do, here and now, to get out of this funk?" "What one small step will take me in a positive direction?" "Where can I go?"  "Who can I call to get the help I need?"  The first set of questions suck you down into a spiral of despair; the second set of questions act as a springboard for hope and change.  
     Of course the way we look at life becomes habitual.  If we have felt like a victim for a very long time, maybe since childhood, maybe we are acting out of beliefs formed way back then, when maybe you were a victim, and your thinking got stuck there.  If you have a good cognitive therapist helping you figure out when you started thinking that way, then maybe you can understand the origin a bit better and make appropriate changes.
     There are things, however you can do by yourself.  Get out a piece of paper and ask God to show you the beliefs that you operate from.  (Why ask God?)Write them down as they come to you.  For example, if you just had a fight with someone:  First find a quiet place and breathe in and out very slowly until you calm down.  Think about the fight; think about how you felt physically and how you felt emotionally.  Did you feel unjustly accused?  Did you feel powerless to get your point across?  Did you feel unheard?  Did you feel like you just had to pound the other person down or prove them wrong?  Did you feel like he/she did that to you?  Did you feel small?  Humiliated?  Angry?  Did you feel powerful or superior? 
      Once you identify the feelings, close your eyes and ask God to reveal to you the beliefs that surfaced during the fight?  Just write from the heart, this does not have to make sense.  You may know what you are writing is not true...it only matters what you felt.  "I am powerless."  "I am powerful when I yell."  "I am worthless."  "I am incompetent."  "I don't matter."  Whatever comes to mind is what you should write down.
      Next to that or underneath it, leave a space for the truth.  After you have identified the physical and emotional feelings and beliefs.  Close your eyes again and breathe, asking the Spirit of Truth to speak truth in place of those faulty beliefs.  Ask Him how He sees you.  What He wants to say to you.  When he reveals that to you, ask him to take the old belief away and replace it with His truth.  What you want to have happen is that you no longer see yourself from a historical perspective, but you see yourself as whole and free NOW.  This way, you can act in a proactive way, not blaming others or looking for fault, but just looking for a positive resolution to a disagreement without the emotional junk that goes along with it.  That's what happens when we carry years and years worth of faulty beliefs and dump them on others every time something triggers those reactions.  Time to change your thinking.  It is amazing how changing one thought can change your whole way of being.  Maybe you can stop being so angry and defensive or hurt or offensive, just because of a habitual reaction.  Those we love tend to know how to push our buttons.  While it's nice if they don't do that, it's better to disconnect the buttons from the source so they can't be activated anymore.  That way, others can push and push and nothing happens because of one small change you made in your thinking.

    
There is a similar kind of face to face ministry based on similar principles that I have seen work miracles in my practice.  If you feel really stuck and need someone to help you through it, this has even been known to work in addictive behaviors, PTSD, and many kinds of depressive disorders, anxiety and even help with relationship issues.
For further information on this, check out http://www.theophostic.com/.